In Asian tradition, being angry openly is not always acceptable. I’ve heard many times when parents tell their children not to be angry, because anger is not good. By excluding anger, parents are hopeful that children will grow healthily and happier.
And that’s wrong.
Anger is a form of emotion. It is in us, just like any other form of emotions. But people mistakenly think that anger is destructive, just because they don’t know how to express their anger.
When I talk to parents and they mention about the anger inside their children, or the angry behaviors they have seen – I always ask them if getting angry is acceptable for them. Mostly they said no. One parent told me that anger is not good for decision making and every decision will turn out wrong. Another told me that her son is still young and he doesn’t have to be such an angry young boy – while she admitted that she was easily set with anger.
Admitting that we are angry is the first important step. It is okay to feel angry after someone snap at you for no reasons. It is okay to feel angry when your partner is cheating on you. It is okay to feel angry if your classmate punch you put of nowhere. But then, the way we express our anger is the second important thing. Expressing anger doesn’t always take the form of smashing, punching or other aggressive behaviors. Expressing anger is sending the message to other parties that we don’t like their treatment toward us and how it hurt or offensive.
Be grateful if you still can feel the anger inside of you when things go wrong. Because it means that your nervous system is working well and accordingly. Learn how to express your anger and let it go. Repressing the anger inside is bot acceptable and will do a lot more damage in the process.
Have a good day!